How To Get Your Ex Back
By Erik J. Michaels
I don't think anybody truly expects that getting back one's ex is going to be easy...it just simply is not so. Rekindling a relationship that seems to have flickered and died takes a lot of determination and will, not to mention a good attitude towards self-change. If you think it'll be like hitting the bar and finding someone to spend time with again, think again. This isn't going to be some hottie on the dance floor who's never met you before...this is your ex girlfriend or boyfriend, who's on to all your tricks and knows you possibly better than you do yourself. It's going to be a challenge, but if you feel it's worth the struggle you should go right ahead...just don't ever get the idea that it'll be easy.

It's pretty obvious that if one of the people in a relationship decided to end it, there was something wrong. Finding out what made the relationship fail and fixing it if it's your fault is essential if you want to get make it work any better than before. This journey is going to require you making some serious changes and sacrifices...there are times you may not even feel yourself anymore, but clearly the person you were wasn't cutting it in that relationship. It's all a matter of how much dedication you have to the cause.

During a breakup, by all means do NOT start plaguing your ex with hundreds of phone calls and emails of apology. If you ever hope to have that person by your side again, the last thing you want to do is drive him or her further away, and that's just what that sort of overbearing "stalker" attention will do. Chances are good that after the breakup, your ex isn't going to want to talk to you much. Give the person some space, and a little time to pull himself or herself back together a bit. Once the right amount of time has passed, you can make contact again -- but make it simple.

The first contact isn't about your relationship, or what you did wrong or what is needed to get back together...it's just a chance to say hello, see how things are going for him or her. There'll be plenty of time to work on the relationship later, right now the best thing to do is be a friend.

As time goes on, you'll get the opportunity to spend a little time with your ex. These "dates" are very important...and the things you do to strengthen the bonds will vary a little depending on if you're the

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guy or the girl in the relationship.

As the girl in the relationship, you'll want to stay away from the heavy emotions. Even the most sensitive, emotionally supportive guy in the world is going to have a hard time if you start throwing your feelings at him. It's awkward, it drives people away. Just relax, use this as an opportunity to do things that you both really enjoyed as a couple, and let him see how much you've been improving in the areas of yourself that led to the breakup. Be a good friend, make him comfortable with you again.

As the guy in the relationship, you have to make sure that she perceives you as the one who can support her emotional needs in a relationship. Women aren't aliens, but they're fairly emotionally-driven, and she needs a guy who can make her feel like she wants to feel. You have to listen to her, truly listen. Pay attention to what she's saying, you'd be surprised just how much that simple action can endear you to her once more. She probably still cares about you and wants things to work with you, you just have to be the guy who can make it work. Show her how much you've worked on yourself to fix the problems that drove you apart before...she'll warm back up.

What it really comes down to is that in every relationship there are two people who may have different needs for what they have to get out of a relationship. Each partner's goal should be to make sure that the other's needs are met. There's a lot of give-and-take in a relationship, and you can't just take without giving back. If you really start trying to work on yourself, you'll quickly realize that you like the person you're becoming, and that the bit of extra work isn't the end of the world. Just keep at it, and remember that in order to get your ex back, you'll need to be the person they want to be with.

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